This has to be THE most annoying thing ever. There were only 13 episodes of The Legend of Zelda but look at how often he says this! It cracked me up the first time I saw it though.
Current Location:Dorm Room Current Mood: good Current Music: Adult Swim
Heh how long has it been since I've made an LJ post. I'm back once again peoples. This time with a more serious-toned update. For a long time I've focused on being silly and enjoying my childhood as far as interacting with others while neglecting my "intelligent side". It was a part of me that I thought I would never use again really. But it's starting to come back because I have a thirst for questions and new knowledge. The thing is I've never cared about being smarter than others. I can admit that I am. It's a simple fact. I mean why should I not be able to say such a thing if others already do about me? It's funny that when I say that I feel arrogant. That's being in society for ya. But to prevent this post from being too random I wanted to throw in a picture here. It's of my mother. I believe she's either in her 20s or 30s in this pic. I hate the stains on it. But the woman is FINE.
From this powerhouse of beauty came everything I am. Although she is no longer among the living she is still the most important person to me. I didn't believe it when Jodi had called and said she was dead. I had gone from school to see her. And the last day I was there I said "get better for me Pookie ok....we still have stuff to do." In my mind I made promise to stay alive and fight it. I was a mental mess during the whole thing. My life lost all direction and I had to move to a new place. For a it I resented her leaving me because she knew I needed her. But I know better. I'm sure she wasn't lying in the hospital bed thinking "i want to die." The creepy thing is that I think she foreshadowed her own death. I told her she going to live to be 100. She left at 62 years young. I hated seeing her in that hospital. She couldn't even talk. To see my strong, beautiful mother not even able to talk was ridiculous. No one deserves to go through what she went through. If I could give up anything to have her back I would do it no questions asked. She was everything to me.
She always liked to call me Koala. That was her little nickname for me other than Wolfman. She was an old-fashioned. incredibly opinionated, and unbelievably outspoken woman. She knew how things should be. There was no second-guessing with her. You can't fool around with this lady. She had some psychic abilities I swear. I grew up my entire life with her. She's the only parent I've ever really known. It's hard to continue living everyday without her around. No more cussing me out when she gets mad, no more worrying over how I'm doing, no more multiple slobbery fish lip kisses (she hated those but I did it to annoy her). NOt a day goes by that I don't think about her. I attest to every little thing she did to honor her. I feel I owe that to her. For instance, her beliefs about people and friendship I've decided to keep and never again shall I waver. I collect coins like she did. She gave me this cute li lblue animal tin that I use to do so. I have no idea how much money I have tho it's a good bit. That money will never be spent. I really don't see how being happy in this life4 is possible for me without her but I manage somehow. If I had my way I'd be back in McComb right now, sitting in my room, waiting for her to call me to do something. That pic was one of a very few. She didn't like having her picture taken. I knew I should've done more when I had the chance. I don't think I'll ever be able to accept her being gone but I di have a life to attend to to make her proud of me. I'll end this entry with my writing (Kel did most of it) for her funeral program.
Things went really well for me today. A few days ago Anthony and I made a deal: he helps me find more about myself and I help him find more of his past. It's interesting but it's gonna be hard to right now bcuz my phone is off. How bout that? Perfect timing eh? But today my lil bro came over and spent the night. He annoyed me and I tickled him. The usual. At Genie's suggestion we went to the movies. She wanted to se X-Men but we couldn't bcuz we had my friend's son Jaden with us. He's 3 and the theater has a rule that no kid under the age of 6 can go into a PG-13 or higher movie after 6PM. So we ended up watching Over the Hedge. It wasn't bad actually. I liked all the characters. Their personalities seemed real. The most popular of them all will surely be Manny. If you don't know just go see the movie. He said something about finding his nbuts and lil bro kept saing it all night long. Don't you hate children lol.
First of all forgive me Rochey-sama. I don't want to make you uncomfortable so I'm apologizing. I do enjoy talking to you and don't wanna ruin by overprotecting myself and distancing myself from you. I know you don't want that so I'm trying to lose this annoying habit. Second, thanks Jeffrey. That convo was the bomb diggity yo. I helped Jeffrey, imfromsomewhere, value himself. Yay burdens to society! Third, I may be abandoning LJ. Well not really. I've decided to start a stream of conciousness-ish journal. It's in an older blue MS State notebook. I'll update LJ and MySpace if it feels worthy but don't be surprised if I don't update much my LJ stalkers.
I've gotten to a point in my life now where I can cope with my mother's death. I have little rituals that I do to honor her. I open the drawer I keep all the stuff pertaning to her including her obituary, three tissue packs with her face on it, her funeral program, and the last birthday card I gave her, when the sun is out. I feel that's showing off her greatness daily. I kiss her program picture before I go to bed. I carry the keychain with her face on it everywhere I go. I don't feel right without it. I still depend upon her even now.
Things have been going well for me. I've finally made up all of the stuff I had to from the time off from the funeral today. I did badly on my History of the ENglish Language tests I'm sure but I'm just glad it's over. Howard and I have been speaking alot again. That uncomfortable feeling I had around him for a while has completely dissapated. I feel as though he's being very genuine these days. In Japanese II there are two things: Purvins-san thinks that I'm the best student in there for some reason (I may be obsessed but I'm sure I have the 3rd or 4th highest grade) and I have a speech competition this Saturday. Iida-sensei tears my speech apart each time I have her check it so I have alot of work to do. The biggest thing is with my talks to iidx1986. He's been going through some troubling problems lately which you can read about in his journal. I did my duty and talked him through it. We discovered that what he thought was the issue really wasn't. He said he was upset over the possiblity of his parents splitting but it was really their outlook on his sexuality. I'm glad we had that long talk (almost 2 hours). Maybe I should let him tell you all this but I will anyway. At the end of it all I told him to call one of his friends and tell him that he loves them. To my surprise he calls me back and says that he loves me. I was really surprised. He had issues with that word that we spoke about. I've grown to love him too so it's all gravy from this point. I'm such a sucker for these type of moments. But I'll always be there for him and he knows that. Can't wait to read his end-of-the-year entry.
To all those I deal with on that high level I don't do people wrong on purpose so if I say I'm there for you then you better believe it.
Current Location:Hull Computer Lab Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: "Kimi to Nara"
Thanks for the shoutout Jeffrey. Jeffrey is the man! It was indeed a great night. Things are getting back on track for me. Made up with Howard, talking to Rochey, known to you guys as iidx1986, yup life is good. Except for two things: one, the super cool camera/camcorder I ordered is on hold cuz of some payment issues and two, my phone is off. Hopefully i can get both of those troubles resolved soon. Don't cry my friends. I'll be back.
EDIT: 7:47 PM - My phone's back on!
Current Location:Butler Computer Lab Current Mood: content Current Music: Air Conditioner
Seems like things are up and down for me lately. Time for another up. I'm finally off my whole busy stint. So after my Japanese test I went to the computer lab to check my usual sites: facebook, e-mail, livejournal, and myspace. Lo and behold on myspace I see that Howard removed himself from my friends list. The funny thing is that it didn't upset me. I knew his motivation behind it and he didn't have his facts straight. So after pitching my problem to Candi I decided to confront him. It was just what I expected. He said everything but what was going on. But to my surprise he was actually upset about an issue prior to my whole invisible week. He felt as though I didn't respect him as much as I do others. For instance, he heard my convos with others and noted that I was loud, happy sounding, and "hooping and hollering" as he put it. But when I spoke to him it went in a low monotome rhythmic pace. (Hard to explain but it worked in what he had to say to me.) After a good while of talking we pushed a bunch of misunderstandings out of the way. Of course since we seem to have these lil arguments often I doubt it'll be the last one. I doubt I'll ever use the term "best friend" again. There is one person I can think of right now that calls me his best friend and I feel bad because I can't confidently use those words back to him. Hopefully he can forgive me. I want to have a best friend but folks have dealt me too much crap. It's not gonna be easy to get me in that regard but I hope someone tries.
It's always forever in between updates these days. I've been a very busy young man. I haven't used my phone much at all or visited anyone in days. School is mostly to blame for that. Just got back from watching Waterboys. It's Japanese but we got a version with no subtitles so the story was a little hard to follow. But I'm so weird bcuz I now realize that I have friendship issues. I mean I thought I was just stable in what I thought but I begin to question why I do what I do. I don't let people affect me much. In some cases I seem closed off even with a smile on my face and a Fluffy for my nickname. I do the same old thing and keep my problems to myself but I didn't think I had a problem. Actually my well-being is fine but I do have something that could be a problem. After all the crap I've dealt with from certain others friendship stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Despite interacting with some new people I feel the same way. I've made two new friends on myspace and one from my sociology class. I wouldn't call the sociology guy a friend yet bcuz I'm just starting to get to know him.
When I thought about this issue today my state of mind did a 180. I felt like I had tears welling up in the back of my eyes for two seconds. Earlier in the day iidx1986 called and that was probably the first showing. I was really in no mood to talk to his megahyper friends but I did anyway. I tried not to let it show but I know I slipped at some points. His friends were cool but I actually think I was a little jealous. Jealous of the fact that I don't have people like that around. People who want to be with me just because I'm me. I mean I'm used to being alone. I grew up sheltered. But after being forced into the world it's hard to find a place. I will never have a best friend bcuz I won't allow it. Everytime I use those words toward someone they do something to make me wanna take it away so fast. One friend doesn't want to talk to you and another abandons you. I still like helping others with no benefit but I've been MUCH more to myself these days. Usually I'd wanna reach out but I don't care. I truly don't. Friendship is ruined for me. But guess what? So what. I don't have patience for friendship. If anyone wants to make me appreciate real friendship again they're welcome to try but I've dealt with so much that I might be a stone wall. I'll seem like I care on the outside but if you go deeper with yourself or me that's when I'll probably phase you out. What I really want is someone who I truly feel is there for ME. Because I've done that with all of my friends. I don't ask them for anything. That's why I can't let myself go into anyone; they all have their own agendas. They complain that I don't open up or tell them anything but each one of them has made me weaker in trying but stronger in resisting. If I'm gonna have full trust in someone and no reservations about friendship, someone will have to bring it out of me. They'll have to make me want to be their friend (something like that). I can't do it on my own. I know. My mind is f****d up as far as friendship. I'm surprised I'm sane everyday. Of course I have my own faults which I can see like getting jealous when I know there's no reason to be. It's not anyone's responsibility. I'm just venting. It feels good to vent but not to clean out the ducts.
The program I used for the Japanese characters had spyware in it so I can't do that for you guys right now. Darn it. I finally have a not so serious update. People have been saying that I've lost my sense of humor these days. It's weird bcuz I haven't noticed. Let's see who else think so. I finally beat the World Competition mode in Soul Calibur III!
I know my last entry was just awful and it had been almost a month since I updated but I think it's time I let you guys know how things are for me. Her real name is Shirley but I call her Pookie. I'm still very sad that the only person I felt connected to is gone but I'm trying to cope. Each and every one of you that commented to my last entry are definitely on my good side. It was a nice funeral. Jodi and I were assigned to read scriptures. I was to read two and she one but she couldn't handle it. I got upset with my cousin because I felt she was disrespecting the funeral but people deal with things in different ways so we're cool. Here are some highlights of my time off from school:
Buffet at the Imperial Palace----Priceless! I didn't want to go at first but I got to try crab for the first time. applebottoms gave me a call which was a big surprise. I got to see my little brother and my other sister. All of the immediate family was together for her funeral. There was much family drama the whole time. I made a new friend on myspace that thinks I'm cute. Yup, he does. (His main obsession is Japanese anything.) I got Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaichi. The learning curve on this game is really high.
Two very special friends spoke to me about this. I had spent most of my time back at school in my room. I didn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. But when they gave me their words I was able to move on in the coping process. It's the most devastating thing that has happened to me but I will pull through and make my Pookie proud.
I wasn't kidding when I spoke of how I felt about flaky friends. I can't stand that crap. Maybe I'm too nice for my own good. It was made clear to me when my best buddy pointed out that I was giving too much thought to who should stay on my Yahoo friends list. That wasn't what got me though. It was when he said "Now you know they're not giving it any thought at all. If they don't like you then 'click'...you're gone." I've called several of you out on that and I'm not afraid to do that. If you can't handle the truth of your nature then you have two choices: 1) change it or 2) deal with the reprecussions. If you mess with me or screw me over I'll be SURE to pay you back.
So if you notice your name gone from my 360 or I stop talking to you then you can figure it out. I'm not in a mood for BS either so if you wanna try calling me out on this then you better be ready. I've deleted more than 12 people so far. This is not a new attitude or anything cute like that. This is a realization manifested for my perfect life. I don't need fake people holding me back. I'm not the most exciting person in the world but I will not be your peripheral amusement.
Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: BoA - Dakishimeru
(In the above photo Yami Yugi is saying "Koko wa?" which means "What is this place?")
In case some of you are wondering I am back at my home place. It's been pretty lazy around here and I love it. I made a neew messenger friend. My friend Wallace let me borrow his Yu-Gi-Oh! The Falsebound Kingdom game. It's fun but the Egyptian gods are frickin' annoying. Actually I think this RPG style game is how all Yu-Gi-Oh! duels should be. It's quite realistic as far as the monsters' relative strengths are concerned. Gamespot doesn't agree though.
I'm headin to Atlanta sometime in the future. Wish me luck y'all. Micah out.
Messenger, finals, and anime. That's the most of what I did today. I just got everything that gold can buy in Soul Calibur III. Usually when that happens I stop playing a game. But Ivy is such a goddess plus I'm trying to learn others as well. It's just that good. Plus I color edited a bunch of the standard characters. You should see my Ivy color edit 2. It's on my myspace page. Click me to see.
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